A Quest for Fewer Regrets

by Robert Hackman

Photograph credit

Whatever you do, wherever you go
Don’t lose your grip on life, and that means
Don’t let any earthly calamity knock your dreamer and your hoping machine
Out of order

From the song ’Hoping Machine’
Words by Woody Guthrie, Music by Jay Farrar

I have never understood the expression ‘No regrets,’ or where people come from when they utter those words. I appreciate the optimism, and yet, I wonder, how that can be? 

I find I have many regrets; for risks or actions not taken, for not speaking up or taking a stand, and for opportunities squandered – the list goes on. 

Regrets feel lousy, challenge your positive self-regard, and indicate that you have ventured off course and out of alignment with what you hold most meaningful. 

Yet we all have regrets unless we are psychopathic. 

Unable to merely will them away, I still want less of them. I bet you do too.

Hope helps; it inspires us to look forward aspirationally, while regret induces us to look backward with remorse. It is vital to remember hope involves more than merely wishing things to be better. 

Hope is an active verb necessitating the persistent return to a state of trust and positive expectation even if your present situation offers no reason to do so. As a result of your brain’s predisposition to finding danger, it does not magically appear on its own. However, hope is not a plan in itself; you need to strengthen and support it intentionally.

So how do you set about living a life with more hope and fewer regrets? What do you need to nurture? What do you need to relinquish? How can you better learn to live with the remorse you have?

The pathway to living a life, managing a team, or leading a company with fewer regrets begins with centering around core values and purpose – naming and claiming them. Doing so has an outsized influence on your alignment with what you consider significant.

Once identified, you have to align your decisions and actions to them. Because every time you disregard your values or forsake your chosen cause, you move away from hope and towards remorse.

By failing to take the time to ascertain what matters most, you unwittingly draw regrets to you like a moth to a flame, and regrets displace hope. While you can never change your past, you can always alter your relationship with it.

When you make mistakes, things do not go as planned, and you experience failure, you can feel confident you acted in harmony with what you value most, which is no small thing. 

When you act from your shadow side, out of integrity with your highest self – and you will from time to time – you can take responsibility for your actions, own your imperfections, and avail yourself to the forgiveness of others and unearned grace.  

 Pathways to fewer regrets:

1. 1. Get clear about what you value most and a primary purpose you are willing to commit. Channel your energies and focus accordingly.
   2. Determine and assemble the resources you require to pursue and fulfill your principal aspiration. Ask for the help you need and enlist others to support your mission.
   3. Let go of what you are supposed to do and replace it with what you feel compelled to do. Clear the clutter that derails you and holds you back.
   4. Tap your courage to overcome doubt and resolve to realign your efforts repeatedly. Acknowledge fear and resistance, set them aside, and recommit to your purpose.
   5. Develop and apply your habits of self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and gratitude. Learn from your missteps, refine your inputs, let go of outcomes, and make amends when appropriate. 

These methods feed your hope, with the express purpose of helping you live the life you want and leave the legacies you intend – what could be a greater imperative than that?

Please reach out to me if you desire to live your life, lead your teams, and run your company with more hope and fewer regrets. I welcome the connection. 

Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching. He provides executive coaching for leadership impact, growth, and development for individuals, teams, and organizations. Committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, he facilitates trusting environments that promote unusually candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.

Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203, or rhackman@4cconsulting.net.