Essential Questions Regarding Your Legacy
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by Freestocks on Unsplash
Why do we never get an answer when we’re knocking at the door?
Because the truth, it’s hard to swallow; that’s what the war of love is for
Lyrics from the song ‘Question’
By the Moody Blues
A prospective client who had not previously considered coaching informed me he was a ‘no for now’ because I had given him ‘something to think about.’
I have found it vital for those entering coaching relationships to understand ‘why now.’ The person does not need to know precisely what they expect to gain from coaching. That can be determined through the coaching process.
However, they do need to know they want something to be different and better. And the time to address it is now.
The Importance of Questions
Dr. Marilee Adams, CEO of the Inquiry Institute, fervently believes the quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions. She rightly concludes that we frequently make decisions, speak, and act without comprehending the conclusions we have already made – the meanings we attribute to others, ourselves, and the situations we encounter. Thus, our starting places regularly remain unexamined.
Limited Time
Her husband, Dr. Ed Adams, introduced the other participants and me to the concept of 30,000 days during the recent men’s retreat he crafted and facilitated on behalf of the secular men’s support group and non-profit he founded called Men Mentoring Men (M3).
Thirty thousand days are considered the average number of days each of us will live. Despite our illusions to the contrary, none of us knows if we will finish out today. It is instructive to consider where you find yourself along the anticipated continuum of your life. How close are you to the beginning? Or the end?
To determine where you are, calculate the number of days you have lived and divide it by 30,000.
Why Me and Why Now?
Focusing on valuable questions and time constraints urges you to ask, ‘What are you doing with your life in relation to what you genuinely want?’ How much time do you reasonably have left to adjust your course? What questions and areas of significance have you left unanswered and unaddressed?
Additional questions include, what aspects of your life are most worthy of your time, energy, and focus? What keeps you from investing in them? What do you lose if things remain the same? What can you gain by shifting directions?
These got me thinking even more deeply about the considerations most relevant to Everyday Legacies and the imperatives of Legacy Mindsets, individually and collectively.
Everyday Legacies are defined by our impact on others and our environment through every interaction in which we engage and what we leave behind.
Legacy Mindsets are a collection of beliefs, attitudes, and perspectives through which we interpret our experiences and guide our responses in alignment with our purpose, core values, and approach. It is based on complete accountability.
No one wants more regrets. Yet, what you must do to live and lead with fewer regrets often lies beyond your awareness. Consequently, you do not deal with them – to the detriment of yourself and others.
However, it is crucial to remember that the losses and pain of regret far surpass the fear and anxiety you must overcome to reduce them. That makes attending to them, starting today, right now, vital.
Worthy Inquiries to Ask Yourself Regarding Legacy:
- How can I Love better?
- What essential conversations have I forsaken until now?
- What essential relationships in my life have I left unattended?
- What do I leave in the wake of my interactions with others and my environment? What do I leave behind? How can I improve them?
- Am I willing to take responsibility for everything and resist the inclination to cherry-pick, including my present circumstances?
- Have I determined my purpose? If so, have I articulated it? How do I integrate it into who I am and everything I do?
- What differences do I seek to make?
- Have I identified my top two values that make all my other values possible? If so, to what degree do my words and actions align with them?
- To what am I attached? How devoted am I to the status quo?
- In what ways do I support others? How willing am I to listen intently, witness, and attune to them
- Am I committed to honoring myself first as I navigate my path in relation to my desire for acceptance and belonging?
- Have I communicated to those I care about what I want for them? How would they know? What crucial words have I left unsaid?
- Am I open to recognizing and seizing the myriad opportunities available to me to make an impact?
- What do I reveal to others about myself? How vulnerable am I with those I care about?
- What questions can I ask the associates on my team and in my organization to draw them together and align around a shared purpose? What steps can I take to raise the levels of trust among my associates?
What questions have I not asked that you think are crucial to ask? Please contact me to let me know.
I recognize that these questions may seem too lofty, intense, or out of reach. After all, making it through your day can be challenging enough. Yet they need not be. Contemplating these questions moves you toward what makes your work and life worthwhile.
If these don’t work for you, ask the ones that do.
I propose you consider two at a time, enlist the help of others, and that you approach them with curiosity, courage, humor, and compassion.
Language and words are critical. They are how we make sense of ourselves and the world. Remember, ‘We tend not to pay attention to that to which we have not put words to.’ Attributed to anonymous.
Name and claim what matters most to you and chart your path accordingly. That is your route to living and leading with fewer regrets and helping others do the same.
Please reach out to me for help addressing questions and areas of significance you have yet to answer and address to benefit yourself, your family, your team, your organization, and your community. I welcome the conversation.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting – Courageously Curious Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching, strategy consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of Everyday Legacies and developing Legacy Mindsets. He has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity, he can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Quiet, Party, Rock, and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.