Fun and Laughter in Coaching Relationships
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash+
Learn to laugh at ourselves
Laugh at ourselves
We’ll laugh at ourselves
We’ll find it fun.
From the song ‘Meet Me at the Water
By Christina Wells
While closing out our second coaching call, I acknowledged and appreciated my client for thoughtfully completing their homework despite a busy week of work and travel. I identified it as evidence of the high degree of investment they were bringing to the coaching process.
My client responded that they were planning on milking the engagement for all it was worth. Before you knew it, I replied, ‘I will be your cow,’ and ‘I will be your udder.’
Instantaneously, we both erupted in laughter, at which time I dryly admitted it was the first time I had ever spoken those words – more laughter. How fun is that?
My statements were made very much with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, and they were sincere. The client understood that while they were expected to invest themselves in the process, growth, development, and change do not have to be grueling. It can be fun.
What does shared laughter reveal about relationships? What makes coaching relationships fun? What gives coaching relationships their power?
Genuine, spontaneous, shared laughter indicates trust, rapport, and connection between people. It evidences confidence in the strength of the relationship.
Laughing easily and openly necessitates lowering your guard and opening yourself up. A coach’s dedication to their client forms the basis for extreme trust, promoting risk-taking in its most beneficial form.
With a coach’s support, clients can exert maximum effort while letting go of taking themselves or their situations too seriously.
Frequently the very same efforts we believe we need to engage in to further ourselves are the ones most responsible for holding us back.
Flogging yourself does not make you better. And it hurts like hell.
Acknowledging the confounding number of ways you sabotage yourself can be freeing and comical – provided you let go of self-condemnation.
Admitting that we have found the problem, and it is us, as individuals, members of a team, or leaders in an organization, liberates us. Honesty opens the doorway to more extraordinary courage, increases confidence, and lessens our resistance to change.
Sometimes laughter erupts from being asked to confront a significant fear head-on. Who, when they are genuinely afraid, feels like doing that? ‘You’ve got to be kidding me? You want me to do what?’
These questions unlock what holds you back, and you determine how you can relinquish them. The process of change and development has already started.
Coaches help you stay with courage and curiosity by listening intently, witnessing, acknowledging, and affirming, along with helping you do those things for yourself – and others.
Coaching relationships are democratic and thoughtfully co-created. Each party commits to the process, to each other, and to fully invest in the relationship. Knowing you have someone in your corner is vital.
Clients hold the agenda. Coaches hold the container where you can confront your deepest fears, take complete responsibility, and develop and explore new options – which takes courage, curiosity, and letting go of taking yourself or your circumstances too seriously.
Coaches help us remember that our fears, anxieties, and complexes make us relatable to others. If we could ever achieve the ‘perfection’ we strive for or secretly believe we need, we would set ourselves apart from others and be unable to relate or connect with them. Ouch!
Therein lies one of the magical attributes of coaching relationships. They permit and encourage you to let down your guard, your need to project an image, and to protect yourself.
This is an excellent practice for leaders to emulate in their companies.
Getting help seeing yourself more clearly and accepting yourself more completely prepares you to change and grow. Doing this intense work while committed to fun and laughter helps you let go of what holds you back, thus freeing you up to be the best version of yourself.
Clients often thank coaches for all they have done. However, it is the clients who do the heavy lifting.
You don’t notice all that work when you are having fun and feeling good doing it.
Worthy Considerations:
- What does shared laughter tell you about a relationship?
- Do you believe laughter eases the pathway to change?
- Does fun build trust? How does humor contribute to completing work?
- How can honesty, vulnerability, and fear evoke laughter and promote change?
- When a coach creates safe, trusting, and fun spaces, how does it impact your willingness to take risks and play with options? What could these do for your organization?
Please connect with me to determine how fun and laughter can be avenues to advancing change and leadership through coaching and facilitation to benefit you, your team, and your organization. I welcome the discussion.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.