How Can Companioning Benefit Leaders and Teams?
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by James Barker on Unsplash
Be my life’s companion
And you’ll never grow old
Lyric from the song ‘Be My Life’s Companion
By the Mills Brothers
I am currently coaching a young manager who lost out on a promotion to a newly created position in his company. He went all in with everything he had, confident he would land the role with the support of his boss and others within the organization.
He did not get the position. The role remains open, as the hiring manager looks outside the company to fill it.
The decision set him back.
Doing his best to remain motivated and engaged, he grieved the loss. Resisting his urge to shake it off and move on, we took the time to explore what happened, his reactions to it, and what he could learn before determining the next steps— a primary benefit of coaching.
There are plenty of tools and perspectives I can offer. However, sometimes, a person or group needs someone to hold space for them and acknowledge their experience and how they feel about it.
Some people believe these steps are unnecessary or a waste of time. However, they are critical steps to moving forward unencumbered and better prepared for future opportunities. Dismissing them only contaminates the quality of response, slows the transition process, and reduces resilience.
I learned about Companioning during a recent day of facilitator training focused on interpersonal dynamics and group process. It described a method I employ as a Coach and Facilitator, although I did not have the name for it.
What is Companioning, what does it offer leaders, and how can they employ it to improve their leadership?
What is Companioning?
Companioning involves resisting the urge to problem-solve and fix in favor of being with others.
Alan Wolfelt, a prolific author and expert practitioner on grief, loss, and transition, coined the term, which means to be with. It is a counterintuitive methodology that promotes growth, healing, and transition.
Companioning vs. Problem-Solving
- Companioning is about honoring the spirit, it is not about focusing on the intellect.
- Companioning is about curiosity, it is not about expertise.
- Companioning is about learning from others, it is not about teaching them.
- Companioning is about walking alongside, it is not about leading.
- Companioning is about being still, it is not about frantic movement forward.
- Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence, it is not about filling every painful moment with words.
- Companioning is about listening with the heart, it is not about analyzing with the head.
- Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others, it is not about directing those struggles.
- Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain, it is not about taking away the pain.
- Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion, it is not about imposing order and logic.
- Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being, it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
Being with someone may seem passive. Yet it is amazingly active. Companioning requires significant focus, self-management, self-discipline, empathy, and compassion.
The process is respectful, caring, and affirming. Its inherent vulnerability` creates connection.
What does Companioning offer Leaders?
The Companioning process need not be restricted to supporting people grieving the loss of loved ones.
Grief, loss, and transition are ongoing occurrences within organizations, individually and collectively. They often go unnoticed and unattended to the detriment of everyone.
Leaders benefit from Companioning personally and professionally through relationships with Coaches, Mentors, or other confidants who provide it. Companioning offers invaluable support in helping Leaders face their fears, take risks, and initiate change in themselves, their teams, and their companies.
Although far from the only support methodology, Companioning represents one of the most vital functions a Coach or Mentor can provide – a steadfast partner along the journey.
How can Leaders employ Companioning to better their Leadership?
A leader’s job is to create culture, communicate vision, and execute strategy. It involves communication, action, and results.
However, leaders are also responsible for monitoring and managing the interpersonal dynamics of their teams and companies. They must pay attention to how their team functions and not only what they produce.
Companioning represents an effective approach to group process that may seem antithetical to Leaders conditioned to problem-solve. Sometimes, Leaders are best off resisting the inclination to fix a person or situation and holding space instead to allow associates to sit with an issue for a time before supporting its resolution – helping to strengthen their resilience.
One of the most underused techniques in relationships is the pause. Pausing gives space to people, accentuates the experience, and encourages awareness and acknowledgment of what has occurred. It communicates support, creates resonance, and builds trust, reinforcing the psychological safety needed for collaboration and teamwork.
Companioning is a deceptively powerful counterintuitive methodology for leaders to use whenever they see fit to tend to their associates in one-on-one interactions or with their teams.
Worthy Considerations:
- How do you contend with grief, loss, and change? Have you ever tried to move through grief and loss before you were ready? What happened?
- Have you ever experienced Companioning? If so, how did it make you feel?
- Do you find it challenging to resist problem-solving and action? Have you ever found trying to fix does more harm than good? Can you envision yourself Companioning instead?
- Do you monitor the way your team functions, in addition to what it produces? How do you support the interpersonal dynamics of your team?
- What happens when you hold space for people? How do they respond?
Please connect with me to explore how the Companioning methodology can raise your leadership to benefit you, your team, and your organization. I welcome the conversation.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.