Remembering to Change One Moment at a Time
by Robert Hackman
Picture by Supply on Unsplash
Sending you forget me nots
To help me to remember
From the song ‘Forgot Me Nots’
By Patrice Rushen
I used my first remembering device during an in-person Coactive Training Institute coaching workshop over 20 years ago.
The lead facilitator asked each participant to bring something meaningful to Saturday morning’s session. I had traveled to the training workshop in northern Virginia with nothing but my clothes, shaving kit, and bike.
I ended up presenting a can of shaving cream, relating how functional and versatile it was and how it could be playful, plopping a dollop of it on a woman’s nose. Because of its expansive qualities, there was always more inside than meets the eye.
Thus, a can of shaving cream was analogous to each of us. We almost always have greater potential than we give ourselves credit for.
The other participants loved it, and I learned a lesson worth applying ever since.
I keep a can of shaving cream on my desk as a reminder to be creative, resourceful, and expand possibilities for myself and others. Admittedly, the prompt does not guarantee I will respond as intended, yet the reminder significantly improves my chances.
Forgetfulness
Can you recall when you developed insights you wanted to implement or a behavior pattern you desired to change? You recognized them as essential to becoming the person you aspired to be.
If so, did you make them stick? My guess is probably not. In his book Triggers, Marshall Goldsmith reminds us of a delusional belief we seem destined to repeat. ‘If we know, we will do.’ Regardless of how frequently we prove ourselves wrong.
Ways of Remembering
We require something more to nudge us in the direction we seek to go. Goldsmith emphasizes the critical role accountability partners, such as coaches, mentors, and friends, can play in the change process.
Even with accountability partners, I find I need more help remembering. I am prone to forget in the very moments I need to recall a new behavior most.
The critical question is, what do I know, and when do I know it?’ What I hold in my mind can shift at any given moment, and therein lies the problem.
I need something more insistent. I need remembering devices to jog my awareness and remind me to employ my new response until it becomes habitual. Change happens through meaningful actions repeated in crucial moments over time.
These triggers need not be clever. So long as you imbue them with your intended meaning, you get their messages instantaneously. The best ones are simple.
Crucially, remembering devices make change more accessible and fun – thus making it more likely to occur. These tools introduce ease into our process, enabling us to relinquish the shoulder to grindstone approach.
Playful mindsets open us to laughing at how clumsy we can feel when trying something new. Playfulness moves us away from harsh judgment and introduces us to fun and ease, inviting acceptance of the change we seek.
Judgment makes us stuck, tires us out, and causes us to revert to old ways of being and doing, nullifying the transformation we want.
Remembering devices can take almost any form, such as jewelry, talismans, clothing, or pictures, so long as they are readily accessible and prompt your recall when necessary. The more variety you have, the better.
When you keep them accessible, you continuously reinforce what you want most, setting a virtuous cycle in motion. Noticing the remembering device sparks you to integrate the behavior, which helps you recall the device. Success breeds success.
Our minds generate more than 6,000 thoughts daily, 70% of them are negative. Consequently, we need a lot of prodding to keep our minds ‘out of the ditch’ and on track.
Remembering devices are essential because they translate the conceptual into concrete action and new ways of thinking and being. They can be deceptively vital components of embracing change and accelerating growth.
They are among the tools we can employ to live and lead with fewer regrets.
Worthy Inquiries:
- Do you recognize how difficult it is to initiate and sustain change in yourself, your team, or your organization? What is your rate of success?
- Left to your initiative alone, do you and others forget newfound awareness and knowledge when you need it most? What happens when you do?
- How do you make sure to repeat meaningful actions in critical moments over time to transform new behaviors into habits and skills? What are the consequences when changes fail to take hold?
- What role do ease and fun play in facilitating change? How do negative judgments and attitudes keep you stuck?
- What kind of remembering devices do you currently use? Do they make it more likely the desired change occurs? What others can you add – for yourself, your team, or your company?
If you want help identifying and employing remembering devices to create and sustain change for yourself, your team, or your organization, please reach out to me; I welcome the connection.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.
Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or rhackman@4cconsulting.net.