The Why and How of Everyday Legacies (Part 4)
by Robert Hackman
Photograph by Stephen Leonardi on Unsplash
Find my legacy
Dig to the core
Peel off the layers
Unpack it some more
What do I stand for?
From the song ‘Legacy’
By Money Mike Sandberg
‘Be yourself; everyone else is taken,’ Oscar Wilde famously declared. What could be more obvious? You laugh at his urging as you realize its wisdom.
The assertion is absurd and cuts to the truth of the temptation to deny your true nature and reveal what matters most to you in any given moment and over time. It turns out being yourself is not so simple – or apparent.
Your genetic coding and socialization inform your need to fit in and compel you to do what is necessary to remain part of the tribe.
The ‘shoulds’ and the ‘supposed to bes’ lead you away from your genuineness. Sometimes you believe it is essential for you to be anyone but yourself – thus, prompting you to betray yourself.
How you resolve the struggle to define your uniqueness, strike your own path, and create the impact that resonates deep inside you with the risk of alienating those you deem significant in your life is a defining one.
You enter the world free of constraints, learn early on you need to conform, and then continually bump into situations where you must determine whether to remain confined or risk revealing yourself under the threat of being cast out.
Pablo Picasso’s assertion, ‘The first half of life is learning to be an adult – the second half of life is learning to be a child,’ describes this conflict and the direction we should pursue.
We all hear persistent calls to be ourselves. How we respond to them determines the degree to which we will live and lead our lives with fewer regrets.
Personal is the most significant of the five P’s. Because when you remain true to yourself, the others fall into place. Defining and clarifying your purpose and principles, practicing being present, and considering multiple perspectives keep you on point and focused.
The five P’s, Purpose, Principles, Personal, Present, and Perspectives, represent the building blocks of Everyday Legacy Mindsets.
Purpose represents your ‘why,’ principles your ‘how,’ and personal your ‘who.’
Everyday Legacies are defined as your impact on others, your environment, and what you leave behind in all your interactions. Acknowledging and remembering you are always living and leaving your Legacies is fundamental to Everyday Legacy Mindsets.
The further removed you get from living and leaving Legacies that are personal to you, the less authentic and fulfilling your life is.
By personal, I refer to living out of what you value most and expressing yourself in ways most indelibly you – acknowledging your connection to others and your environment while always connecting to yourself first.
The degree to which you live your life, not the life others desire or expect from you, and indeed not the life you believe you are supposed to live, yet that is out of alignment with what you cherish most, is the vital learning here.
People acting and speaking from who they are and aspire to be, inspire us. They personify a sharp departure from the norm of fitting in, epitomized by the phrase ‘go along to get along.’
Lives like these are uncommon. They require attention and intention. If they were effortless, everyone would do it. And we know they don’t.
Living genuinely may seem radical to us, brazen, selfish, or unattainable until we experience other people doing it. We become enamored by them. We want the same thing for ourselves.
To live authentically, you do not have to accomplish notable feats that catch the public eye or the admiration of others. To live and lead potent Legacies does not necessitate accumulating significant wealth or notoriety. Placing too much value on the opinions and recognition of others can cause you to lose yourself.
The sooner you draw on your courage to make decisions and express yourself without regard for the need to fit in, the better. Doing so builds the critical habit muscle of listening and paying attention to yourself.
It helps to recognize and appreciate that you must sometimes let others down in service to your higher value and purpose – a cost of living and leading a life with fewer regrets.
Selfishness is only harmful if it ignores others and denies your connection to them, your environment, and your impact. Selfishness, for selfishness’s sake, is damaging.
Selfishness in service to furthering your purpose and principles done in service to yourself and others is divine. It places self-interest directly in the path of how you choose to contribute to others and the environment.
Teams and Organizations
Leaders make mistakes when rejecting the distinctiveness of themselves, their departments, and their companies. These are the qualities that generate their vitality, cohesiveness, and desirability.
The uniqueness of what makes leading and living with fewer regrets more likely for an individual, team, or company is what makes them. The quote by A. A. Milne, ‘The things that make me different are the things that make me,’ is apropos. Your Legacies are yours and yours alone – the same is collectively true for the teams and organizations you lead.
Only you, as a leader, can know whether you are living and leading with fewer regrets because you are the one who is living your life. You are the one who recognizes the risks not taken, the identities forsaken, and the relationships neglected.
I encourage you to vigorously pursue life and leadership with fewer regrets and make it safe for others to do the same.
Worthy Inquiries:
- How do you navigate the tension between being true to yourself and who you aspire to be, with the desire and need to fit in and belong?
- Do you focus on pleasing others, even when it demands you to betray yourself? How does doing so impact you, others, and your relationships in the moment and over time?
- What would it mean to pay attention to yourself first while remembering your connection with others and your environment? How would that increase your responsibility for your life and leadership?
- When is the right time to begin your authentic life? What holds you back? What are you striving to preserve? Do you see risks in waiting?
- What would happen if you embraced what makes you, your team, and your company quirky and different?
Please reach out to me for help living your most authentic life to benefit yourself, those you love, your team, and your organization. I want to help and welcome the conversation.
Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.
A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.