Trauma Responses

by Robert Hackman

Photograph by Dimitry Ratushny on Unsplash

You can’t run from trauma
You can’t hide from the pain
Ain’t no skipping steps or half effort
I ain’t perfect, but I’m workin’
To heal proper

From the song ‘Heal Proper’
By Corbin Butler

I am struck by the catastrophes people suffered this week. I cannot fathom how those directly affected must feel. My heart goes out to them.

The events and a more personal interaction caused me to consider the countless ordeals with which people contend. 

I have come to appreciate the prevalence of various traumas in people’s lives. They come in all shapes and sizes and are much more pervasive than we give credit to. We genuinely do not know what the people we encounter daily have been through, regardless of how they appear to us. Yet we constantly forget our ignorance of that fact. 

In this article, I examine how the ways we respond to trauma affect the directions our lives take. One decision leads to another, and sometimes, we end up in a very different place than we intend.

In addition to helping my clients, I try to recognize that there are almost always more possible responses available to us in any situation than we can comprehend. Struck by how impactful different decisions can be, our choices get us to where we are today.

Do you acknowledge the traumas in your life? Do you recognize their impact on you? Are you, as a leader, willing to admit and tend to the trauma in your teams and organization?

Until several years ago, I would not have described myself as a person who suffered trauma. A close friend found that very surprising.  

I realized that admitting and accepting one’s trauma more fully shifts your relationship with it.

A story of two responses 

I had coffee this morning with an extraordinary young man who overcame an overwhelmingly tricky period of his adolescence and teenage years in extraordinarily dignified and courageous ways.

Experiencing a deep depression, he survived two suicide attempts and weeks of subsequent hospitalization. Not only did he go on to graduate high school, but he also spoke about it to the entire student about his experiences. He then commenced a nationwide speaking tour to tell his story to students at other high schools nationwide through the non-profit ‘Minding the Mind.’ Wow!

I imagine it took great resolve to reveal himself so vulnerably. He was clear about his desire. He wanted to help other people who might have similar feelings and inclinations as his. 

The details of what prompted his depressive period are not necessary. However, they involved coming to terms with his sexual orientation, his parent’s divorce, and the addiction present in his family of origin, among other factors. I do not know the specific traumas he endured.

My situation as a young adolescent and teenager was quite different from his. I was a victim of suicide at age thirteen, not contemplating taking my own life. My father killed himself on his second attempt. My household was chaotic, volatile, and unpredictable for several years before that – not to mention following it. 

I remember little from the years before my father’s death except for some specific traumatic episodes. I have since learned about more upsets involving my father from around age five. 

I converted these unwanted incidents of my life into shame. I was integrating them into believing something inherently wrong with me could not be changed. Shame is a heartrending and debilitating emotion. It induces the threat of being unlovable. Shame requires secrecy to survive and thrive.

The actions of the man I met for coffee were antithetical to this. He voiced his difficulties publicly. He revealed himself rather than hiding himself. 

Conversely, I have hidden in many ways. Our differing responses led to divergent outcomes.

Consequently, some residual effects from early traumas have resurfaced recently. I have decided to engage in EMDR therapy (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). 

It sounds more complicated than it is. Without getting into specifics, EMDR works like a bypass. It gets your mind out of the way so you can process old traumas in new ways and shift your relationship to them. 

I am not proposing that speaking publicly is an essential antidote to trauma. Processing trauma is indispensable, and revealing it to those you trust is vital.

Organizations

Trauma is present in your company. Associates bring it in with them every day. You likely are too. 

Traumas get induced within organizations as well. 

You can abandon a culture built around the platitude, ‘That whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ and replace it with one acknowledging that unresolved trauma’s ill effects persist. 

Trauma distorts our perceptions and makes us susceptible to triggers that draw from the past and are not correlated to the present – often leading us to react in ways we do not understand. It undermines sound decision-making. 

As a result of the pervasiveness of trauma, it is alive and well at all levels in our organizations.

Companies can train leaders and managers to attune themselves to trauma and develop compassionate and innovative responses.

How we respond to the traumas we endure and support those on our teams and in our companies determines the direction taken. I implore you to take steps to guide them as you intend.

Worthy Considerations:

1. Are you willing to acknowledge the traumas you have encountered in your life as such?
2. Are you willing to give others the benefit of the doubt while maintaining boundaries recognizing that you know nothing of another’s experiences?
3. Are you open to challenging the validity of the cliché, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ admitting that unprocessed trauma persists?
4. Are you prepared to accept the degree to which your responses to your trauma responses have you to where you are today?
5. Are you willing to recognize and tend to trauma in your team and company, setting up available support resources within your organization or through outside vendors?

Please connect with me to determine how to acknowledge and address trauma to benefit you, your team, and your organization. I welcome the discussion. 

Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making led music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, can be found on Spotify.